You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize