My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
