My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
