I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize