after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
