I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
