id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
