after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Operation Purity has been aborted
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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