i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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