Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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