Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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