This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
