They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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