I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How external is "for external use only"?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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