It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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