the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
