somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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