cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
