His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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