im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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