the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
