he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
