he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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