Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My ATM looks so different sober.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
