i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
