i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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