alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
