Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
