May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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