i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
