So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
