Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize