I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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