I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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