wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
