I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Everything about him screamed your future.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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