i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
