Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
