i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
