I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
