i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
