It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
