I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
