i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
