they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
