he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
