when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
