What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize