You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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