Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bring money and cleavage
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize