i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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