the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize