I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
