The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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