a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
