you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
