Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
