I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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