Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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