it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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