he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
