YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
