i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
