i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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