I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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