I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
