I wanna passion pit in your ass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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