I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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