I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize