Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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