Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
