Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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