cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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