Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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