I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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