I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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