And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
