omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
