Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize