i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
