I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
