I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
