This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
