my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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