im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
whose parrot is this?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize