"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
