I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
