Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
