is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize