Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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