You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
