i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
