In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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