paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
