You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will pee on everything he values.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
