My nipple is on Facebook.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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