While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
