yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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