Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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