Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
