I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
