I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
