Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
