You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
